One of the most common things I hear from people who come to see me is, “I’ve always wanted non-monogamy.” They say it with confidence, sometimes even pride. As if the wanting itself is evidence that they’re built for it. In reality, that statement usually tells me very little about whether someone is actually ready for ethical non-monogamy. Wanting non-monogamy and being able to live it in a grounded, emotionally regulated way are two very different things. In many cases, th

Non-monogamy is having a moment. It’s everywhere. Podcasts, dating apps, Instagram therapists, Reddit threads, group chats. It’s often framed as more honest, more evolved, more sexually liberated than monogamy. A kind of relational upgrade. And yet, most people who try it struggle. Hard. Not because they’re immoral, or jealous, or “too insecure.” But because they walk into non-monogamy wildly underprepared for what it actually asks of them. In my work as a sexologist and sex

monogamy isn’t just a relationship style; it’s the relationship style. So much so that we’ve given it a fancy name: mononormativity.